Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.

As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.

“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”

In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.

Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”

“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”

Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”

His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”

Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.

The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.

“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”

“What happened?” his friend asks.

“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.

“And what did you ask for?”

“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.