My husband and I, both in our 70s, have a tradition of gifting each grandchild a small registry item and, privately, a $40,000 check the day before their wedding. We ask them to keep it quiet to avoid drama in our large family. When our youngest granddaughter, Eloise, married last October, we sent her an air fryer—the cheapest item on her list—because we live far away.

She called us, furious, accusing us of being cheap and uncaring. Hurt by her disrespect, I revealed our tradition and the check she would’ve received. She didn’t believe us and hung up. We later sent her a china set but withheld the check, feeling her reaction was undeserving.

Weeks later, after confirming the truth through her cousins, Eloise called again—this time angry we didn’t follow through. When we explained why, she claimed we were punishing her. Despite her pleading, we stood firm. Respect matters more than money.

Now, she’s boycotting Christmas, and her mother sides with her. Still, we feel our decision was justified. We’ve supported Eloise through school and life. While the holidays may be quieter, our love remains. Our door is always open—when she’s ready to rebuild with respect.