The teacher said, “I’ll give 2 dollars to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.”
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Patrick.” The teacher said, “Sorry Sean, that’s not correct.”

Then a French boy put his hand up and said, “It was Napoleon.” The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Pierre, that’s not right either.”
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.” The teacher said, “That’s absolutely right, Maurice, come up here and I’ll give you 2 dollars.”

As the teacher was giving Maurice his money, she said, “You know Maurice, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.”
Maurice replied, “Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.”

The woman was very rich and the man was poor but honest.
She liked him, but that was all, and he knew it.

One night he had been a little more tender than usual. “You are very rich,” he ventured.
“Yes,” she replied frankly, I’m worth 1.25 million dollars.”

“And I’m poor,” he replied. “Will you marry me?”

“No.”

“I thought you would say no.”

“Then why did you ask me?”

“Oh, just to see how a man feels when he loses 1.25 million dollars.”
Stanley is looking for a new desk for his office
and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window.

He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.

“That desk is going for $5000,” says the shopkeeper.

“$5000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaims Stanley.

“Ah,” says the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.” He turns to the desk and asks, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?”

The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four dollar coins there.

“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” says Stan. “Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”

At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.

“Darn, where did she get all THAT from?” wonders Stanley.

The desk’s legs slide apart and its drawers drop down.